INTRODUCTION:
-Communication between sender and receiver; one to another; more than 1 person involved.
-The essence of interpersonal communication is through conversations and dialogues.
*The conversation process:
1. Opening
2. Feed-forward
3. Business
4. Feedback
5. Closing
PRINCIPLES OF CONVERSATION:
1. Principle of Turn-Taking:
-An active exchange of roles between speakers and listeners, the exchanges of cues called conversational turns.
-Both speakers and listeners will perform and indicate different and various cues during a conversation process.
- Turn-Maintaining: Speaker to speak; his/her role to maintain conversational cues.
- Examples: Para-language, eye contact
- Turn-Yielding: Speaker to listen; Indicates they are done talking and wishes to listen.
- Examples: Hand gestures
- Turn-Requesting: Listener to speaker; Indicates he/she is ready to speak.
- Examples: Butting in conversation, para-language
- Turn-Denying: Listener to listen; Indicates that he/she is not responsive.
- Examples: Shaking head, looking away
2. Principle of Dialogue:
-A context where two person share messages to one another.
-Indicates an interaction rather than just a conversation (the sender and receiver both actively seek to pursue a healthy and meaningful conversation).
-Examples: Two friends are talking about a common interest.
3. Principle of Immediacy and Flexibility:
-Effective communication and conversation requires both parties to take into consideration the relationship and intimacy of one another, as well as adjusting to the environment and the context.
- Immediacy: the creation of closeness, a sense of togetherness, of oneness between speakers and listeners. - you convey a sense of interest and attention.
- Flexibility:
- Imagine that you are in specific situation
- To consider the course of action identified
- To estimate how much this choice would be similar to the choice you will make in the same situation.
EVERYDAY CONVERSATIONS:
1. Small Talk
-Method in which we slowly introduce ourselves into a bigger issue or message.
-A bridge to the conversation: Compliments, talk about weather, food, etc.
-Very culturally based.
2. Excuses and Apologizes
-We always excuse ourselves and apologize in our everyday conversations for the fault that we do.
-The etiquette to maintain for excuses: Maintain a fair stand on your excuses, do not lie and do not be too extreme.
-Types of excuses:
- I didn't do it
- It wasn't so bad
- Yes, but......
-The etiquette for apologies: maintain an open position and apologize if you are at fault - say it like you mean it.
3. Complimenting and Advice:
-We compliment each other on things or likings that appeal to us.
-Compliment is a "message of praise" which is the interpersonal glue.
-Etiquette of Compliments:
- Qualified Compliment- Praises that really justifies the words.
- Unqualified Compliment- Praises that is used to just pass on the impression or to mask certain behaviors and intentions. (Things you don't mean to say but said it to get favor or get out from trouble)
-Receiving compliments is a big etiquette: Do not expect favor when you do good.
-2 options when receiving compliments:
- Denial
- Acceptance
-Types of advises:
- Explore options: Advising others to seek out alternatives
- Expert advice/second opinion: Advising others to emphasize or de-emphasize their beliefs and inclinations.
- Delay decision: To delay their decision.
CHAPTER 8
RELATIONSHIP STAGES & THEORIES
RELATIONSHIP STAGES:
1. Contact:
-The first stage of relationship.
-People become aware of one another's existence (Impersonal and almost ritualized).
-Perceptual and Interactional contact take place.
- Perceptual: Human senses (sight, smell, taste, hear, touch)
- Interactional: First point of contact.
2. Involvement:
-Second stage of relationship.
-People have tighter bonds and engagements with one another- expect light bonds of friendship and being added into the social circle.
-Testing and intensifying stages take place:
- Testing: try to date him or her.
- Intensifying: Amount of times or commitments you committed to one another.
3. Intimacy:
-Third stage of relationship.
-People have a deep and committed relationship with one another. (Relationship grow stronger, explicit display of affection, communication and bond with one another.
-Become familiar and comfortable with each other.
4. Deterioration:
-Fourth stage of the relationship.
-Other communication factors such as temporal, cultural, or societal contexts weakens the bond with one another.
-Intrapersonal and interpersonal dissatisfaction become apparent.
-Reality hurts
5. Repair:
Fifth stage of relationship.
-Those affected in the deterioration stage try to work things out with one another.
-Interpersonal (changing behavior) and intrapersonal (talk and discuss about the problem) repair takes place.
6.Dissolution
-Last stage of the relationship.
-Bonds are broken or returned back to platonic.
-Interpersonal (may not see each other anymore) and social separation (avoidance of each other and a return to being "single") takes place.
RELATIONSHIP THEORIES:
1. Attraction Theory
a) Similarity: Attraction to individuals with similar taste, beliefs, ideas with you.
b) Proximity: Attraction to individuals who are close to you in terms of range and locations.
c) Reinforcement: Attraction to individuals who reinforces your personality and lifestyle.
d) Physical and Attractiveness and Personality: Attraction to physical and mental attributes; Inner and outer beauty.
2. Relationship Rules Theory
-Different relationships have different relationship levels and attributes.
a) Friendship Rules: Acquaintances, normal friends, best friends
b) Romantic Rules: Similar to friendship rules but more towards lovers and couples.
c) Family Rules: Different roles in the family setting would impact relationships within and outside of the family.
d) Workplace rules: Different roles in the workplace would also impact relationship forming and interpersonal communication.
3. Relationship Dialectics Theory
-People in relationships often want to explore the extremes of opposite qualities.
a) Closeness and openness
-Individuals like the exclusive attention of one another yet at the same time they like to be involved in a society or group.
b) Autonomy and Connection
-Individuals like to have both in-dependency and dependency on one another.
c) Novelty and Predictability
-Individuals like surprise or uniqueness as well as sustainable and predictable things or routines and schedules.
4. Social Penetration Theory
-People in relationships often have the need to explore each other's personalities.
-Deeper relationships would go deeper into the core personality of the person.
-Depth of relationship: the more you know the person, the deeper level of the conversation and the more meaningful it becomes.
-Breadth of relationship: the more you know the person, there are more things you can talk about with the person.
5. Social Exchange Theory
-Rewards > Costs
-Individuals form relationship with one another based on whether or not it would bring benefits to them.
-Example: Improving their own network or circle of friends, increasing their chances of getting a job in the company, or simply making them more popular and well-received.
6. Equity Theory
-Rewards = Cost
-Forming professional relationships with one another.
-Examples: Forming a working partnership with someone else, where if you put in a certain amount of money into the company, you would expect the other person to do the same. If you do more work, you will expect to get more of the profit than your partner who did less work.
THE DARK SIDE of INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIP
-Relationships can get complicated and can lead to ugly things in life and with one another.
-One of the most common example is jealousy due to a human nature called envy.
-Different types of jealous can occur:
- Cognitive jealousy
- Suspicious thinking, worrying and exaggeration of things that you think would occur.
- Example: Your friends didn't call you out to hang out last week- which doesn't happen often. They said they can't contact you because they can't call you through phone, but you don't believe them.
- Emotional jealousy
- Seeing someone you like react to something else that is out of your control to reach.
- Example: Your girlfriend responding to another person's jokes, or your boyfriend being too friendly with another girl.
- Behavioral jealousy
- Responses or behavioral changes that takes place with the individual as a result of the envy and jealousy.
- Example: Reading your girlfriend's messages to see who she was texting with.
RELATIONSHIP VIOLENCE:
-Relationship violence would also take place as a result of a poor maintenance of interpersonal communication and relationships.
- Physical abuse
- Verbal and emotional abuse- especially through social media such as Facebook, Twitter
- Sexual abuse
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